#sorry

She was sorry for being selfish when she was drunk. “Your feelings don’t seem to matter to me, whether that is instinct or learned behaviour, I do have the energy inside me to possess that, so it must come from somewhere…and I don’t even think I should apologize for it now.”

However, she felt he did deserved an apology, but not from her.  “You deserve to give yourself an apology.” she said.  “You deserve an apology from your Ego.  The part of you that keeps score somewhere deep inside yourself – The one you wallpaper over any surface of an argument, so as to fit your needs…as long as you lay helpless, on the floor, the victim.”

Today she was done standing, waiting for the people she loved to wipe their feet on her.  They had their chance.  It was time for her to pack up and go.  Her happiness would not depend on anyone nor would she allow to be the object of someones happiness.

The more she listened to her inner voice and cut toxic people out of her life, the more she could see and hear peoples lies.  Their emotional damage was more obvious, and their psychological games were easy to see and figure out.

After she put up healthy boundaries her aquaintences were dropping like flies; she lost two more today.  Although instead of a lot of grief, just a few tears fell and a sense of relief was waiting when it was all over.  This feeling reminded her of a time, after her divorce, she had to re-define what ‘love’ was.  Today she found herself asking, “what is a ‘friend’?”.

raven.w(rites)

2 thoughts on “#sorry

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